Thursday, November 5, 2009

You Just Might Be a Hyper-Calvinist if....

I've been planning a serious post on monergism (and why you don't have to be a 5-pointer to embrace it) for some time now, but lately have been insanely busy between work and my book revisions. It will be will the promised review of Don Kimrey's "God's Comeback Kids". Until such a time as we can ponder these gems of the Gospel and savor the riches of the Reformation, enjoy a little theo-geek humor...courtesy of the guys at purgutario.

Help! I'm Going Hyper!

25 warning signs that you might be obsessing about Calvinism:

1. For romantic occasions, you prefer to give/get

instead of

2. You hear some people talking about the new Johnny C. movie and you instantly think


3. You leave your Conservative Reformed Baptist Congregation to start a house church after hearing the Pastor use the word “Choose” in a sermon.

4. You have a picture of

on your

5. You know what a “remonstrant” is.

6. You used to love this guy, but these CDs are now in your “Do Not Play Until God Grants Them Repentance” box:

7. Without me giving last names, you still know who I’m referring to:


8. Whenever you try to persuade people about the “Doctrines of Grace” all they hear is a


9. When people tell you they’re “Four Pointers” you already know they are stuck on the

10. Every book you read is endorsed by:

11. You’ve seen this avatar repeatedly in the comment section on your blog:

12. Your yearly personal Bible-Verse Memory Program consists of Romans 9, again.

13. Someone tells you they go to

and you think they’re going

14. You attach an extra “Lord Willing” onto your original “Lord Willing” just in case.

15. The word “Puritan” appears as a required character trait in your profile on

16. You’ve vacationed at

17. You hear a news story about some criminals being “reformed” and your first thought is to wonder how many criminals are arminians.

18. Your browser’s home page is set to the

19. On at least 4 different blogs, you end up in extended wars with arminians arguing about God’s Sovereignty. Your final comment always being a variation of

20. Over 75% of your personal library is published by


21. No matter what conference you go to one or more or all of these guys is/are speaking:

22. You’ve washed your little kid’s mouth out with soap for saying “iMonk”

23. You’re looking under your big kid’s bed and find

and you are way more upset then the time you found

24. All your kids can recite

25. You’ve just deleted PURGATORIO from you Blogroll


Mark said...

this is too funny! I loved number 3 and 23!

As my wife always says - Make it a great day! The choice is yours!

Glenn E. Chatfield said...

Now THAT'S a funny one!!!! (except I wouldn't limit it to hyper-Calvinists :oD )(and, no, I'm not an Arminian!)