In Defense of Facebook....

The last couple of years have seen several high-profile pastors, primarily from the FIC stream, decrying the evils of Facebook and its use. Frankly, some of their concerns are well-founded: the excessive time spent online by many Christians is poor stewardship; also, many marriages have hit the rocks because of the temptations offered by "social networking". (Looking up and connecting with old flames is a bad idea, folks, even in cyber-space). Additionally, Facebook seems to have changed the way the younger generation (and their parents) view friendship - we've become yet more isolated as we reduce social communication to comments in boxes. As with many things, social networking sites have their downside.

However, the fact remains that if used wisely, Facebook (in particular) is an ideal evangelism tool.

Ten years ago, if you had told me I could show an article on the Trinity - in Bulgarian - to 25 (or so) of my non-Christian friends in Sofia - simultaneously - I would have wondered what you were smoking. Sharing a link on Facebook affords one the opportunity to engage in (online) discussion - or not. It is a more subtle (and less threatening) way of sharing doctrinal truth than, say, initiating a discussion with your best friend's brother at the Fourth of July cookout (and seeing that he is visibly uncomfortable). There are those who will read an article in the privacy of their own home, and even months after the fact ask you about it. A shared link is low pressure; there's no awkwardness. Not interested? Don't click. But truth is there for the taking - and I'll be happy to make it available.

In fact, there are many ways of sharing biblical principles on Facebook, but it's invention offers something actually far better: a way to stay in touch with far-flung people after you have met and built relationships with them. This is exactly how I have seen two young women come to Christ in the last 8 weeks.

In late August, I served in Albania at an evangelical summer camp for teenagers. It was a lot of fun, quite frankly, and I became quite close to a number of the kids - who, predictably, "Friended" me on Facebook. Two weeks after returning home, one of the 17-year-old girls (who comes from a family openly hostile to religion in general and Christianity in particular) initiated chats with me. She had many questions about grace, belief in Christ, and the afterlife. In addition to sending her links from the gotquestions.org site which dealt with Gospel fundamentals (in both Albanian and English), I explained to her how she could know Christ and what regeneration is. She turned to Him in her heart; went to church the next week, and is now a devout follower of Christ - despite the fact she has no discipleship and virtually no fellowship in her hometown.

Last week, another one of the teen girls - who had been discussing college applications and the upcoming TOEFL exam with me - suddenly switched gears mid-way through a Facebook chat. "Marie...can I ask you a favor?" she typed. "Can you teach me to pray?" Naturally, this led to an in-depth discussion about how we can be in relationship with God - through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ. Thanks to the British church-planting team (under whose auspices I served in Albania), she already knew a lot about the Person and work of Christ. She just needed help connecting the dots, and the assurance that she could be His child. She wrote, "i feel the necessity to believe on Him..." I have never witnessed such a sincere hunger and desire to know God as I did during that impassioned "chat", nor such spontaneous joy after she repented and prayed to know Him as Savior. Also from a non-Christian family, she had fears and we talked about counting the cost. Undetered, she began reading the Bible online and sought out the pastor two days later to tell him about her conversion.

While these two conversations (and subsequent changed lives) would not have happened in this way without direct, real-life, human connection and relationship, the fact of the matter is that I was only with these girls for 8 days...and following that, our friendship continued remotely. Facebook is the medium through which we were able to stay in touch...and ultimately, God used it as the tool through which I was able to lead them to Himself. (The "means" is always His Word. There are different ways of communicating His Truth, though: online versions of the Bible work just as well as leather-bound editions.) Bible study is easier to conduct via Skype, however, as multiple people can participate in real-time.

I praise God for the two young girls whose names are now written down in glory, and for the technology which can certainly be used for His glory.

Cultivating Intimacy With Christ - "Does God Really Love Me?"

"Faith hangs on to Christ in the dark, it holds to a silent Christ, it holds to a refusing Christ, it holds to a rebuking Christ, and it will not let him go. Faith is the great holdfast that hooks a soul on to the Saviour.

Faith is thus powerful because of its effects. Faith enlightens, enlivens and strengthens. It is written of some of old that "They looked unto him, and were lightened." Faith shed a light upon many things, and lets us see that even if Christ has a frown on his face, he has love in his heart. Faith looks right into the heart of Christ, and helps us to perceive that he cannot mean anything but mercy to a seeking soul."
-- Charles Spurgeon

Have you ever asked God if He really loves you, or pleaded with Him for His affection? The following is an open letter to those of you who doubt, amended from a personal note I just sent to someone who is struggling:

"Dear Fellow Sojourner,

Believe it or not, I do understand what you mean and the doubts you are having about God's dealings with you and questioning whether He really cares or even if He loves you. Although I have not personally experienced what you are, I DO know the feelings and am all too familiar with the doubts. I want to be careful here not to sound like “Job’s friends” – although honestly, your situation reminds me of Job! – because that does no one any good.

I deliberately will not quote you the verses or pull out catch-all platitudes about Christ dying for the world (and of course I do NOT mean to diminish the Atonement one bit; but that is what people generally remind you of when you doubt God’s love.) I know EXACTLY what you mean when you write about knowing Christ loves the world; but what about you personally? One verse I would point out to you, however, is Galatians 2:20: "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me," (emphasis mine), wherein Paul was making the point He loved [Paul] and gave Himself up for [Paul]. Who, of course, was a murduring Pharisee and all that; but you get the idea.

And of course, there ARE Scriptural statements to the effect that God’s love is infinite, faithful and PERSONAL to the believer (you) – Matt. 10:31; Luke 12:7; Hebrews 13:5 (the “you” is singular in the original), as well as the Psalms, which cover every range of human emotion. However, you are obviously intelligent and don’t need the references or a Bible lesson. Just thought I’d remind you anyway, though, because His Word IS Truth.

Regarding God’s nature, I know you wonder if He really cares because of all the pain and suffering you see all around you. I need not “defend” Him or say He always keeps His promises (in the way we expect, at least – I admit I also struggle with the exact meaning of Matthew 6, especially vs. 31-32: "So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.") My guess is that is something like a Proverb – to be understood as a general rule, but NOT a guaranteed absolute. (I.E. “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” – it’s a general principle; not a guarantee. IF you do this – you may expect THAT.)

This promise doesn’t change the fact that there are millions of suffering, starving Christians whose daily bread is NOT provided….as a result of man’s sin. God knows/sees it; He COULD prevent it, but He does not. That’s where we get into the issue of His sovereignty, and we have to admit that we just don’t know. We DO know, if we believe the Scripture to be infallible, that A) He is good; and B)ultimately justice will be served and all wrongs will be righted. Beyond that, we can only speculate (and often that gets us in trouble when we do.) But we know that He is good, and does NOT enjoy torturing His slaves…even though it may feel that way sometimes. I’ve often wondered, for example, how miscarriages and stillbirth fits into His sovereign plan. Again, not that I’ve experienced that personally, but I’ve known many women who have and as a mom, I can only imagine the agony and grief.

What I keep coming back to as I turn this around in my mind (extreme suffering and God’s goodness)is this: we can’t say Jesus didn’t warn us. Count the cost; some of us will be persecuted; put to death. He offered NO promises about our comfort or emotional needs; He only said “in this life you will have many troubles; take heart; I have overcome the world.” We need to live with an eternal perspective, as hard as that can be sometimes. Jesus knew so well what it is to be rejected and despised (and still does…everything from people taking His Name in vain to Monty Python movies mocking Him, and worse). When you love someone, you make yourself vulnerable to them, and that is what God has done with us. We grieve Him when we are faithless - blowing off prayer time with Him; gossiping about one another; fighting with our spouses. Yet HE remains faithful.

This is what it means that He was “touched with our infirmaties” and “sympathetic to our weaknesses”. They’re not just words; He really understands (and cares.) Look at Paul (and the Apostles – close, intimate friends of Jesus during His earthy ministry). Paul got the stuffings beaten out of him on a regular basis; got run out of town more than once; was slandered and maligned (even by other “Christians”); was abandoned by friends; and was finally executed on trumped-up charges. He sure wasn’t getting his “emotional needs met” or his “love cup” filled! Jesus Himself was verbally tormented throughout most of His ministry, but He rested in the love of the Father (as did Paul).

Not preaching you a sermon, but just putting some thoughts out there. I’ve often thought of those first century Christians, and what a raw deal some of them got…like Perpetua, and the other martyrs under Nero and Dormitius (the ones who never actually had the pleasure of meeting and fellowshiping with Christ, yet they were still called to suffer and die for him.) Some of them lost everything – like Perpetua’s nursing infant; her marriage; her home and possessions. Even in recent history though, I think in some ways folks who’ve been called as martyrs or have been imprisoned in some ways find it easier to stand strong than some (like yourself, and many others who are just worn down by the day-to-day torment and disillusionment.)

I read Richard Wurmbrand’s “Tortured for Christ” a few years ago (founder of Voice of the Martyrs – he was in a Romanian prison for years) and I was gob-smacked. Honestly, I wouldn’t last 5 minutes in a Communist prison! But in his story and so many others like his, it’s just so “clear” to the ones suffering for their faith what they’re doing and why they’re there suffering (for Christ’s glory). Obviously, that has to be our goal and over-arching purpose, too, but it’s harder to “see” the purpose in what seems like needless, pointless suffering. And THAT is why it can become so much harder to believe that God really loves you personally. If you were in a Communist prison being beaten and starved because you were a Christian, you would no doubt have faith in His love (although technically your circumstances would be worse). That is why it is so important (even now) to continue to walk by faith and not sight, and to continue to put faith in what (intellectually) you know is true.

I truly believe that convincing people God doesn’t love them personally (or at least getting them to doubt it) is one of Satan’s biggest strategic weapons. How I wish sometimes that I could just see Jesus; have an audience with Him – even Skype Him – and all my doubts would be forever erased. But you know what He said to Thomas about those who have not seen being blessed…yet we have believed. Don’t stop seeking Him in the Scriptures, because God WILL use that to encourage you personally (often when you least expect it.) Have you ever been reading the Word, and something seems to “leap off the page”, and straight into your heart? His Spirit illuminates truth when and as we need it…personally.

The historical reality of the Cross should never leave us cold, but sometimes it does (if we are truthful). This is the dynamic of sin-stained human emotions. God gave them to us for a reason, and He designed us to feel deeply, yearn for Him, and want to be loved. He gave us that need to come to Him with that longing – even (and especially) when we don’t “feel” anything.

Be encouraged - He is still that friend who "sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). Don’t give up, please – and don’t abandon the Church, either. It’s especially important to be in fellowship and support during these “desert” times – a lone sheep, as you know, is more vulnerable prey.

In Him,

Marie

Interview with Stefan about Kid Ministry

Lately, especially since seeing the Family Integrated Church movement's "Divided", I've been involved in an online discussion regarding the pros and cons of Youth and Children's ministry versus the more controversial elements of the FIC agenda. I would not use the word "debate", because I honestly don't have super-strong convictions on this issue one way or the other -- I've seen the ugliness in the extremes of both positions.

We all know about the Peanut Butter Gross-Out games at Youth Group (my church's Youth Group actually does a Bible study, but there's no denying Youth Ministry at large is largely...foolishness). Likewise, it's no secret VBS and children's ministry, with the possible exception of AWANA programs, is watered down and overly-entertainment driven. These facts notwithstanding, my husband and I do not fully embrace a mandatory FIC model - we prefer to use basic biblical wisdom and common sense (which tells us that we, as the parents, have the primary responsibility to teach our children about God and the Gospel).

Pilgrim at Defending Contending has a convincing and well-researched post about VBS and the marketing-tactics that go into them. Now, my four children have grown up on VBS. My youngest two, 8 and 5, still go and love VBS. My oldest (14) is a music assistant. Since my 8-year-old son was walking through the office while I happened to be reading Pilgrim's article, I decided to do a little un-scientific survey and get my son's feedback on what he gets out of it.

Now, two caveats: Stefan is a bright kid. Not rocket-scientist, homeschooled-and-going-to-college-at-12, find-a-cure-for-cancer-at-15 smart, but a pretty sharp monkey all-around. He's grown up in a Christian home; been in Sunday school since he had teeth and knows all the stories. He's gifted at Scripture memorization and enjoys practicing it. He also genuinely loves God and feels a deep sorrow when he sins. Without getting into much detail, I do have reason to believe he's a child of God. I asked:

Me: "Hey Stefan, let me ask you some questions. Do you love God? I mean, really?"

Him: "Yes."

Me: "Do you enjoy learning about Him, and getting to know Him better?"

Him: (nods enthusiastically...he's been asking us for a "real" Bible since he could read).

Me: "Ok. Now, would you say you learn a lot of new things about God at VBS? What do you learn?"

Him: "Well....the only time we really learn anything is in the songs."

Me: "The songs? You mean like "In Christ the Cross"?

Him: "Yeah. The songs are about God. So you learn things about God from the songs. And the stories.....well, they tell us stories, but actually we already knew the stories from before; so I guess we didn't really learn anything new. But I liked the jumpy thing."

Me: "Okay, so you didn't really learn anything at VBS, but it was fun. What about Junior Church - do you learn a lot about God there?"

Him: "Oh, yes. We learn stories and good lessons from the stories!"

Me: "But didn't you already know the stories from before?"

Him: "Some of them, yeah; but not all of them. Like the one about Elijah and Elisha. I'd forgotten about that one."

Me: "Okay, so in what order would you say you learn the most about God: from Junior Church, VBS, from me and Daddy at home - like when Daddy teaches you guys on Sunday afternoon from the Bible - or Pastor Eric when he preaches?"

Him: "I would say from you and Daddy at home, the most. After that...maybe Junior Church; then Pastor Eric - but I don't understand everything he's talking about - and then last, VBS."

No big surprises there....but given that an 8-year-old himself admits he learns more in the modest time we spend on spiritual matters at home than in the weekly, structured "children's church" etc, I think the FICers may have a point, after all. Which doesn't mean I'll be switching churches any time soon. It just means I feel convicted to spend more time and effort, under my husband's leadership, teaching the kids doctrinal truths and how to live these truths out in their lives (orthodoxy and orthopraxy). I had been toying with the idea of finding a Bible study to go through together, each morning before school next year, or maybe we'll just read from the Bible together and discuss it (as my husband does with us after church on Sunday). If anyone has any resources for family devotionals they'd like to share, I'd appreciate that!

An Amaryldian in Albania

Where I will be in 4 weeks:

Like the title of my post? "Amaryldian" is a word I just learned this morning - from Jay Adams, of course - which apparently means "Four-Point Calvinist". From Wiki: "Simply stated, Amyraldism holds that God has provided Christ's atonement for all alike, but seeing that none would believe on their own, he then elected those whom he will bring to faith in Christ, thereby preserving the Calvinist doctrine of unconditional election."

Works for me. That describes my church's position on Limited Atonement pretty well, and while it's certainly not a hill I'd want to die on, that is where I stand, as well.

However, that's not the point of this post. I chose the word for it's alliterative properties, so I could share my REAL news: four weeks from today, I'll be headed to Albania on a short-term missions trip with the British ministry, Albania Evangelical Mission. Whilst my original plan was to go with my "alma mater" Campus Crusade for Christ, who was severely short of teachers for one of their seven camps in Albania, due to a sequence of events causing CCC to change their camp dates I was unable to join them. It all worked out for the best: this British group runs Christian camps all summer in the same location (near Saranda, in southern Albania) and I could join them much less expensively.

Most of the 17-18 year olds who will be attending this Christian camp the week I am serving there have not made a profession of faith in Christ. However, they are attending the camp with interest and in the full knowledge that we will be presenting the Gospel to them, teaching the basics of Christianity, and using the Bible as a medium to help them improve their English skills as well. Besides all that, I anticipate a lot of fun camp-type activities in the afternoons, worship, and fellowship as well! I have never been camping before, so this will be a new experience for me in that regard. I have taught English (in Bulgaria) before, as well as having led Bible studies for many years, both in the US and in Bulgaria....but I have never slept in a tent, so we shall see. (Cold water showers, on the other hand, are nothing new to me - that was par for the course in Leningrad and Sofia during the summer.)

I have read camp reports and seen photos from years prior, and many new young Christians have been baptized right in the Ionian Sea right there at the camp. I am hoping and praying to be able to develop lasting and fruitful relationships with some of the kids (and staff) I will be serving. (Given the rustic situation, it's unlikely that I'll be able to blog from there, but afterwards perhaps.)

100 Things We Love About Dad

This month, I decided to help our four kids make a "special" card for Daddy on Father's Day - telling him all the things they love about him. Last year, when looking through the Father's Day card selection at Walmart, I couldn't help but notice that most all of them were vaguely mocking or insulting in a "humorous" way. The cards from kids seemed to revolve, for the most part, around joking with Dad that he would be utterly lost and incompetent without Mom; most implied that she "wore the pants in the family". (I would be mortified if my children ever gave such a card to my husband, or for a second believed that to be the case!)

More important than cards or a particular day on the calendar, honoring Dads and telling them what we love about them is so important. Biblical fatherhood, obviously, isn't just about siring offspring and bringing home a paycheck. Children, by and large, know and appreciate when they are deeply loved and brought up in the knowledge of the Lord. Good fathers are a special gift from God!

I challenged the kids to come up with 100 things they love about Dad, and I helped them glue the sheets to a poster board with a colorful title. The two little ones (5 and 7) rattled off the first 65 entries while the older kids were still doing their homework. Here is their Litany to Dad:

1. Dad took me to the doctor when I was sick.

2. Dad gave me a nice present after my eye operation.

3. Dad hugs me all the time.

4. Dad’s coming to see my show at gymnastics.

5. Dad helps me understand my homework.

6. Dad gives me treats when I help him outside.

7. Dad works hard so we can have food.

8. Dad picks me up from preschool sometimes.

9. Dad gives me gum when I go in his car.

10. Dad tries to comfort us when we cry.

11. Dad hugs us when we’re scared.

12. Dad compliments our work.

13. Dad likes our pictures.

14. Dad’s very nice to us.

15. Dad kisses us and hugs us a lot of times.

16. Dad helps us read something when we don’t know what it says.

17. Dad reads me books.

18. Dad paid the people to do the addition.

19. Dad says prayers with us.

20. Dad gives us money to buy things.

21. Dad works outside and does things for us.

22. Dad gives us M&M’s.

23. Dad teaches us about God.

24. Dad brings us to birthday parties.

25. Dad brings us to his work sometimes!

26. Dad tells us what to do when someone’s mean to us or does something to us.

27. Dad gives us haircuts.

28. Dad gives us rides in his car sometimes.

29. Dad always gives us presents on our birthdays.

30. Dad sings “Happy Birthday” to us.

31. Dad gets me “Flat Stanley” books.

32. Dad helps us with ideas for things.

33. When we try to make something with Play-Doh, he makes it for us ‘cause he’s so good!

34. When Dad broke my pink pail, he still made a really good sandcastle out of the small one.

35. Dad gives us costumes.

36. Dad lets us eat donuts.

37. Dad has good ideas and gives them to us.

38. Dad bought the Wii for us.

39. Dad got my PSP.

40. Dad gets me games for my PSP.

41. Dad prays for us.

42. Dad loves God.

43. When Natalia broke my owl pencil, Dad gave her money to buy me new Expo markers.

44. Dad tries to tell people about God.

45. Dad takes pictures of us.

46. Dad plays Wii with us.

47. When Miro and Stefan wouldn’t play a board game with me, Dad took me to Home Depot with him.

48. Dad offers things to us like going to the store.

49. Dad goes in the pictures with us.

50. Dad makes bacon on Sunday.

51. Dad helps me do things on the Wii that I can’t do.

52. Dad reads the Bible with us on Sunday afternoons.

53. Dad lets us go to our friends’ house.

54. Dad helps us spell words.

55. Dad helps us learn Bulgarian.

56. Dad makes kebapcheta.

57. Dad takes care of us.

58. Dad sometimes shares Bulgarian secrets with us (like the food).

59. Dad tells us stories of when he was a kid.

60. Dad helps us cool off when we’re hot.

61. Dad lets us go to waterparks (and he pays).

62. If we’re confused, Dad helps us understand.

63. Dad sometimes says “Great job!” on things.

64. Dad helps us make things.

65. Dad tells us what’s right and what’s wrong.

66. Dad shares his chocolate with us.

67. Dad lets us play on his computer.

68. Dad’s laugh is contagious.

69. Dad’s a great cook and can make anything with any recipe.

70. Dad has such a good sense of direction, if we were lost in Antarctica, he would still be able to tell us where to go.

71. Dad teaches us the importance of morals and life values.

72. Dad brings us to Bulgaria.

73. Dad brings us to soccer games, like Levski-Milan vs. Inter-Milan.

74. Dad tucks me in for bed.

75. Dad makes banitsa.

76. Dad tells us about WW I and WW II.

77. Dad makes up brilliant words, like “idiotistic”.

78. Dad lets me watch Veggie Tales movies on his computer when Mom’s at work.

79. Dad knows how to ski, and taught us to ski.

80. Dad has a very good sense of humor and sarcasm.

81. Dad bought the TV.

82. Dad’s very generous.

83. Dad puts up with a lot of things.

84. Dad is wise.

85. Dad planted some of the plants I want and he let me have two strawberries.

86. Dad helps us with our Valentines.

87. Dad brings home gifts from work (like candies.)

88. Dad kisses us and says “goodnight” when he goes to work.

89. Dad says “thank you” when we help him.

90. Dad shares. If we want to use something and he has to use it, he lets us go first. That’s called “sharing”.

91. Dad makes us hot cocoa.

92. Dad gets me lunch.

93. Dad play-fights with us.

94. Dad teaches me letters.

95. Dad made a bathroom downstairs.

96. Dad tickles us.

97. Dad lets us go under the sprinkler.

98. Dad taught me to ride my bike.

99. Dad took me to the library and let me get a library card.

100. Dad loves all of us!!

"He Jogged Right Into Heaven"

This past Saturday, God called a well-known and much loved man from our church family home at the age of 52. A member has been severed, and the whole Body is feeling it deeply.

Dave was (it seems so strange writing about him in the past tense, knowing he is in heaven) a humble, unassuming servant of God who loved Christ deeply, and by extention, his family and church. Although I had only known him for a few years, he struck me as an unusually committed believer. The congregation's outpouring of grief over his unexpected departure indicates that all who knew him saw his humility and compassion.

Dave's life revolved around Christ. He wasn't the type of guy to bicker about dispensationalism or get involved in church politics. He preferred to go to Mississippi with the Youth Group to re-build after Hurricaine Katrina; serve on a mercy mission in Pakistan; and carry logs and mulch on "Church Clean-up Day". With a passionate desire to reach the lost, Dave served as the Chairman of the Missions Committee for several years, which is how I met him.

When saints die, there is a human tendency to canonize them. We don't need to do that. Each of us has a story; a memory; a touching moment that we each remember about the person who has passed on. The first time our paths crossed was during Sunday service, about three years ago, when Dave and I were both outside in the foyer instead of in the sanctuary like normal church-goers. I was emptying the nursery Diaper Genie. I have no idea what he was doing, but his exact words to me were, "Hey, can I talk to you for a sec after the service?" (I thought I was in trouble for something, but I couldn't remember doing anything particularly incriminating. Turned out he wanted to ask me to apply to join the Missions Committee, which I happily did.)

Now, "Missions Committee" may conjure up images of old men in suits, dryly analyzing the budget. We may have done that, (although none of us wear suits; nor are we old, or even necessarily men), but we generally had fun with the task at hand. That wasn't too hard, given Dave's laid-back sense of humor. He laughed at my jokes. A one-liner from a Monty Python movie would have him stifling guffaws, which was actually funnier than whatever was said, given that we were meeting in a tiny nursing mothers' room less than 30 feet away from the pastor's D-6 men's Bible study. "We're having way too much fun in here," Dave would say. "They're gonna wonder what we do at these meetings!"

Rabbit trails? We spent 15 minutes once on the spiritual implications of wearing shorts to church, and whether proper reverence demands getting spiffed up on Sunday. (I emphatically said yes.) My challenger asked for biblical support. Dave, ever the diplomat, offered: "I came to church dressed up once...and everybody laughed at me. So I never tried that again!"

Dave could see the humor in things, and was lighthearted. That levity, however, stopped at the threshold of his prayer life. As a small and closely-knit group, we had the priviledge of praying together quite a few times, and Dave approached God with the reverential awe and intimate adoration of a true disciple. He was, to use the cliche, a "prayer warrior". Interceding for others was as natural as breathing for Dave. More than anything else, this is what moved people and will be remembered about him. We simply have no way of knowing, at least in this life, the extent of Dave's impact for eternity.

My most vivid memory of Dave was from February 2009, at the memorial service of a high school boy who had succumbed to brain cancer. Dave had been particularly close to him and his family, and was there with him at the end. He shared with the grieving congregation how much he would miss him, but added (with a sheepish smile), "....At the same time, though, I'm so psyched for Steven right now!" That simple and true sentiment - rejoicing that his young friend was in the presence of the Lord they both loved so deeply, made a profound impact on all of us. Several times over this past weekend, the irony of that sincere statement has struck me. If it is not irreverent to think in terms of the Lord Jesus being "psyched", I imagine He is quite psyched to have His friend Dave home now, too. (Psalm 116:15)

Dave had previously led the congregation to kneel in intercession for this young man one Sunday, and later kept a 2-day prayer vigil by himself at the church for a woman battling cancer. Those aren't the sorts of things one does to attract the praise of man, or to climb the "church hierarchy". They are the sorts of spontaneous loving acts that spring forth, unbidden, from a heart overflowing with love and joy in one's Savior. Dave never seemed to get over his awe that Christ would redeem him. He never wanted to.

Yesterday, as we mourned his loss and prayed for the precious family he left behind, our pastor pointed out that Dave had passed from this life in much the same way he had lived - running. "Dave jogged right into heaven," he noted, which was an apt metaphor for someone who strove to live each day to glorify Christ. Granted, I'm one of those pesky sola-scriptura types not given to imaginative interpretations, but yesterday it was just so easy to imagine Dave on that beach, no doubt conversing with the Lord in his heart, as he so freely did. "You know what, Dave?" the Lord might have said to His treasured friend. "We're a lot closer to My house right now than yours. Let's go home, Dave."

And he did.

He jogged right into heaven.


I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. (2 Timothy 4:7-8)

REPOST from 2007 - Leaving Charismania, Part III (Conclusion)

Gnosticism/"Mystery Religions"

Entry of Thursday, June 7, 2007

"Baptiscostal No More"

The more I read online, keeping in mind discernment about such sources, the more aware I became of ungodly "movements" and influences in the Christian Church. The Christian Research INstitute (CRI) became an invaluable source of information to me, as was the Christian Apologetics Research Ministry (CARM). While I was very informed about the errors in cults such as Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses, and had spent a good deal of time debating them in real life and online, movements such as the "Emergent Church", Word-Faith, Latter Rain, Third Wave, Joel's Army/Manifest Sons of God and the ominously-named Kansas City Prophets were new territory to me. As I studied, common denominators began to emerge, such as adherence to a dominionist theology. Nowhere in Scripture does it say that Christians are to "take control" over existing political structures and "claim the nations" in order to present the world to Christ as a "spotless bride." They've got it backwards. We're to obey Christ (and questions of how are nicely answered in books such as John Piper's "What Jesus Demands from the World", as well as the New Testament itself) and let Him worry about conquering upon His return.

The certainty that God is doing "a new thing" in our generation is also inherent in these groups' convictions, and again lacks biblical support. The Bible indicates that both wickedness will greatly increase and the love of many will wax cold before Jesus' second coming; there will be (sadly) no dramatic, global revival in anticipation of our Heavenly Bridegroom. It is on the basis of this misconception that Hank Hanengraaff terms these new movements part of a "Counterfeit Revival."

Thirdly, these groups and the charismatic movements in general tend to elevate subjective experience to dangerous levels of credibility. While this is certainly not true of all churches in all branches of Pentecostalism, a person's "word from God" is taken at face value and accepted as "revelation" if given from a prophet. This opens the concept of divine inspiration up to gross error, and sets up a slippery slope of determining what GOD ACTUALLY SAYS. John Macarthur and others have written literally volumes on this. In the last month, [a period from May - June 2007], I have read hundreds of pages documenting this widespread problem, and to attempt to sum up in a few paragraphs the danger of subjective theology is impossible. Beyond common sense, (many of the "visions" and "prophecies" reported border on the absurd), we cannot be both sola scriptura and open to new revelation from humans claiming to hear from God. [MY NOTE, 3/17/11: In my studies since then towards a certificate in biblical counseling, one of the more interesting lectures in the systematic theology course dealt with this subject. Jay Adams articulately and succinctly explains the logical fallacy and doctrinal impossibility of believing in both the sufficiency of Scripture, AND special prophecy today.] The canon of Scripture is closed, and God has given us the revelation He intends for us to have.

Once the importance of sound doctrine is downplayed, (as I have seen first-hand in what I thought was a relatively sound charismatic church), a sense of ecumenism enters. While certainly there are many issues that might be described as "nonessential" and shouldn't divide Christians, interpreting the Bible's meaning according to one's own experience (or, worse, basing theology on one's esoteric experience) is very dangerous to the Church. When Christians can no longer distinguish truth from heresy because they don't know what the Bible teaches anymore, the stage is set for the Great Deception.

Each of these groups mentioned above (various off-shoots of the charismatic movement) is related to each other by one or two degrees of separation. This is well-documented by various sources who have studied the roots of the movements from the Azuza Street Revival to the Vineyard's early days. (Please e-mail me if you would like sources; they are too numerous and lengthy to list here). The "Toronto Blessing" and Pensacola Outpouring" were not isolated, a-typical aberrations; they were the fatal fruit of this sick branch of the Church. The excesses documented in those events take place every day, all over the world. [3/17/11: Last summer I read "The Other Side of the River", a first-person account from a man caught up on the movement in a small Alaska town. I felt like I could have written his story -- some of the "manifestations" are so clearly satanic.]

More frightening to me is  the role the New Age plays in these "Christian" movements. Just last week, [late May 2007], I went to the website of the Healing Room ministry (which started in Spokane, WA and is now international) to see if, in fact, it has Word-Faith roots. When I saw the reading material promoted in their online bookstore, I nearly became physically ill - it reads like a "Who's Who of Apostate Third-Wavers." Sadly, I had been referring people to Healing Room for intercession since 2004.

Okay, what about tongues and getting "slain in the Spirit"? Isn't that biblical, at least if there's an interpretation? I cannot help but quote here, since many have said it better than I could ever hope to: "...most of the groups reporting the operation of the charismata throughout Church history were heretical or, at least, a little "off" in their theology and practices. Moreover, tongues speaking has even been seen in non-Christian religions." C.S. Butler believes this pattern demonstrates that the Holy Spirit was not involved, although other spirits may have been. [3/17/11: Compare the accounts of physical "manifestations" with those of New Age/Eastern religion practitioners evoking 'Kundalini Serpent Power'. Frightening stuff.]

(from a review of C.S. Butler's "Test the Spirits: The Charismatic Phenomenon"):

Although Butler does have a pattern of over-stating the case somewhat, the type of information presented in this section I discovered myself by independent study. And it was learning this questionable history of the use of the charismata that first led me to question my involvement in the charismatic movement of today.


Now the above might be called a "guilt by association" argument. But another point that Butler only touches on was even more important to me. As one studies Church history, it is very apparent that the vast majority of Christians through the centuries did not speak in tongues.

If speaking in tongues is so important and the evidence of the baptism in the Spirit as charismatics claim, then what was the Holy Spirit doing for 18 centuries? Sleeping? I simply found it hard to believe that the only people the Spirit baptized from the post-apostolic age down to modern times were ones involved in groups on the "fringe" of Christianity, or even outside of the Christian faith.

And finally, John Macarthur, from a sermon transcript (part of a series on the "chaos" of the charismatic movement):

"You see for over a thousand years that part of the world had been dominated with the mystery religions. The pagan mystery religions. They can be traced all the way back to Babylon. But they cultivated, all of them had this in common, they cultivated a magical, sensual, communion with deity. The assumption in the mystery religions and their cultic kind of form of worship, was that you get yourself in some kind of state, a mindless kind of state, a transcendent kind of state, an irrational, not logical, not reasonable kind of mystical state, and when you get into that you will then commune with the deity. You can do it through drunkenness and so they got drunk in the pagan religions. You can do it through the passion of sexual involvement, and so there were priestesses who acted as temple prostitutes, and you could come in and throw yourself into an orgy. And in the euphoria of that orgy, and in the stupor of being drunk, in the stupor of that whole event, supposedly you were to commune with deity.


Paul has that in mind, certainly in Ephesians 5, when he says, "Do not be drunk with wine, in which is excess, but be filled with the Spirit." If you really want to connect with God, be filled with the Spirit, don't be drunk. They would do almost anything to get into a semiconscious, hallucinatory, hypnotic, or orgiastic spell, because they believed that somehow that got them in touch with deity. This is not very far different than going back into the 60's in the drug culture, and the things Timothy Leary tried to say about how you transcend this world and touch the divine, and what the Eastern Mystics were saying, as they were advocating the same kind of stuff. Whether from literal intoxication, or some kind of emotional hysteria, or exhilaration, worshipers falling into some kind of euphoria assumed they were then in union with the deity.

According to S. Angus, once professor of New Testament and Historical Theology at Saint Andrews College at Sidney, the ecstasy experience by the mystery religion worshiper, brought him into a mystic ineffable condition, in which the normal functions of personality were in abeyance, and the moral strivings which formed character, virtually ceased or were relaxed, while the emotional and the intuitive were accentuated."

In other words, the worshiper would get into a state where his mind would go into neutral and his emotions would take over. The intellect and the conscious would give way to passion, sentiment, and emotion. This was ecstasy. Angus further said, Ecstasy might be induced by vigil and fasting, tense religious expectancy, whirling dances, physical stimuli, the contemplation of the sacred objects, the effect of stirring music, inhalation of fumes, revivalistic contagion, hallucinations, suggestions and all other means belonging to the apparatus of the mysteries. One ancient writer speaks of men going out of themselves to be wholly established in the divine.

It is exactly what happened in Corinth and it is still going on today. As the mystery worshiper experienced such ecstasy, he believed he was lifted above the level of his ordinary experience into an abnormal sense of consciousness and therein he could really see God. And according to Angus again, he says, "Ecstasy could range anywhere from nonmoral delirium to that consciousness of oneness with the invisible, and the dissolution of painful individuality which marks the mystics of all ages." The person literally became irrational, unreasonable, out of touch with reality. I don't think it is too far afield to say that there are testimonies by Pentecostal Charismatic believers that seem to me to sound very much like this. They explain their various states of euphoria as engaging in communion with the Holy Spirit, but is it that? Certainly not by Biblical definition. Is it only an emotional high? Is it only some kind of psychological self-induced hypnosis? Is it only falling under the spell of the power of suggestion? Or is it demonic? In any case it is not Biblical. It certainly isn't, "Come now let us reason together, says the Lord." It certainly is not, "Let everything be done decently and in order."

The problem Paul dealt with in Corinth is the same problem he deals with through his letters in the charismatic movement today. The problem is this: "How do you tell the real from the counterfeit?" And the only answer I have to you, Beloved, is to take it to the Word of God--and if it isn't there, it isn't real. That's the only place we can go. You certainly can't believe experience. Why? Because "Many will say, 'Lord, Lord,'" and they will prophesy in His name, and they will cast out demons in His name, and they will do miracles, at least what appear to be miracles, in His name. But He will say "Depart from me, I never knew you. Who are you? You workers of iniquity." We need to warn the true believers in the Charismatic movement that Satan is having a field day counterfeiting, because you're not checking with the Word, and because you are not using the mind that God has given you to understand His truth. Christ is being dishonored." http://www.biblebb.com/files/MAC/CHAOS7.HTM

I praise God that He has opened the eyes of my heart. Father, Your surpassing love and PATIENCE overwhelms me.

REPOST from 2007 - "Leaving Charismania Behind - PART II"

Entry of Thursday, June 7, 2007

The Beginnings of Skepticism and the Return of Reason

In the recent movie "Luther", there is a scene which I love. A recently-ordained Martin Luther is taking notes in a seminary class as the instructing priest drones endless clauses to the catechism by the Vatican. In "liturgical legalese", he recites a clause excluding all from salvation who are not part of the Roman Catholic Church (in itself an oxymoron, as "catholic" means "universal"). The outspoken Martin counters, "What of the Greek Church?" The priest, startled by the question, repeats the Vatican's insistence that none outside of Rome may be saved. Undeterred, Luther challenges, "But were not the first bishops Greek?" Irritated by the analytical nature of Martin's probing, the priest dismisses his questions and continues with the church-sanctioned rhetoric.

I have had strikingly similar experiences, both in Catholic elementary school ("But Sister Mary-Daniel...it says right here that Jesus had brothers and sisters!" "That means He had cousins." "But then why doesn't it just say 'cousins'?" "I'm telling you, the word means 'cousins'. It just does."), and in the charismatic church where I sought to be fed spiritually. Disenchanted with the social gospel I heard on Sunday in the UCC, I grit my teeth and headed to the fellowship group every Wednesday and often the Healing Room for intercessory prayer (and hopes of God having a 'rhema' for me) on Saturday mornings.

As I dug into the Bible and fellowshipped on Christian online bulletin boards (no one in my Congregationalist church seemed particularly interested in spiritual things, including the pastor), many apologetics questions would arise. The charismatic pastor was a brilliant man; a former chemical engineer who had had a "Damascus Road" experience and began his church. Sometimes I would e-mail questions to him and he would help me out - I found his answers very insightful and he never seemed to mind at all. However, while at the time I thought his preaching was incredibly insightful and biblically accurate, he allegorized much of the text and used very poor hermeneutics. If anything, this caused his "sheep" to esteem him even more highly - they thought these symbolic applications to the text was of divine inspiration. "God told me this; God told me that...God laid this on my heart...a Word from God....I believe God is doing a 'New Thing' here..." were common phrases.

While studying Jewish objections to the deity of Christ, I became concerned by some proof texts rabbinical scholars use. I was also frightened by some of the New Testament "inaccuracies" they point to - not enough to disbelieve the Bible, or believe it contained errors, but enough to want to talk to someone more grounded in Scripture than I. I went to the church's prayer room, certain that one of the elders or prayer team members could help me. They simply prayed against the "spirit of confusion". I admitted that I struggled to reconcile some of the more apparent contradictions in Scripture that skeptics point out, and the elder unblinkingly stated, "There are none." "Well," I began, "what about the genealogies in Matthew and Luke?"

Assuming his "instructor" expression, Ray began, "Well, His genealogy proves Christ was descended from the line of David." "Ray, I know what a genealogy is. I'm wondering why Matthew's and Luke's are so different." He switched to a different canned response. "Well, differences in the Gospel accounts are because they were writing to different audiences." I continued to press, "Why are the names in Matthew and Luke so different, when they both claim to trace the ancestry of Christ through Joseph's line?" He looked perplexed. "They're not," Ray insisted. "See for yourself," I answered. "There's almost no overlap." He opened the Bible and began to search, then gave up. He dismissed my confusion by saying, "Well, you just know it's true (sic) because you know it in here." He touched his sternum. My blood ran cold. THAT WAS THE SAME COMMENT, VERBATIM, THAT THE MORMONS USE TO DEFEND THE BOOK OF MORMON'S AUTHENTICITY. Driving home, I was more frustrated than before - here was a church leader, an intercessor in a key ministry, who didn't know his Bible. (This was not the only time I had noticed this [biblical illiteracy among leadership]; this was but one example.)

Increasingly, at our Wednesday morning women's group, sound doctrine seemed to be downplayed in favor of what "God is telling you." The pastor's wife (our group leader) piously implied that being theologically correct is of little importance. Worst of all, we started doing a book which promoted contemplative spirituality, "The Gift of Being Yourself." Foreworded by New Age writer Basil Pennington, the book lauded Medieval mystics such as Teresa of Avila and Thomas a Kempis as examples of how to seek God, as well as Thomas Merton. (I was the only one in the group who had read the works cited in the book.)  When I explained why my discernment alarms were going off, the pastor's wife dismissed my concerns. (For a more thorough look at how mysticism is invading the Christian Church and why it's so dangerous, see http://www.lighthousetrailsresearch.com/ .)

Last August, [meaning August 2006] my husband decided to skip church a couple of times in order to catch up on some yard-work. I seized the opportunity to visit my "Pentecostal peeps" at their church, which I had not been to on a Sunday since the traumatic "revival" experience two years earlier.  I left the children in the Junior Church room and entered the sanctuary. As I entered, a few minutes into the worship time, I got the willies. More people seemed to be shouting and shaking violently than were singing. Most ingrained in my mind is the image of a woman I knew well, from the Healing Room prayer team, "dancing" as if she were in a trance. In fact, she was in a trance. Her body movement and steps (along with ecstatic facial expression) reminded me of the voodoo dancers in Haiti during their ritualistic trance-dances. The pastor had grabbed a guitar from someone on the worship team and strummed it forcefully, shouting out the various biblical names of God. When the din settled, he proclaimed, "I sense...I just sense by the Spirit that there's a real religious spirit in here this morning. [Note: in charismatic-speak, that's bad.] THIS is worship...THIS is what God wants!" That was the first time I saw people being "slain in the Spirit" in that church as well.

The second time I went, about a month later, was to be the last time I would ever attempt worshipping there on a Sunday. While not all, or even most of the congregation was dancing, many were and the noise of 'tongues' between songs was overwhelming. Still, it wasn't enough for Pastor Mike, who once again sensed something by the Spirit. He told the congregation that the Holy Spirit was somehow being blocked; they were not free enough. The noise increased a few decibels as more congregants dutifully participated in the jumping and screaming. "Now!" Pastor Mike proclaimed. "NOW the Spirit's really movin' among us!" This made me slightly uncomfortable, as he seemed to be gauging how "much" of the Holy Spirit was present according to the level of emotionalism displayed. Besides, I reasoned, how can one judge the presence of the Third Person of the Holy Trinity quantitatively? Either He's there, or He's not. Then I chided myself for using intellectual reason to discern the spiritual realm.

On the way home, my [then nine-year-old] daughter told me that she had felt uncomfortable in Junior Church, as the children's pastor (I woman I knew well from our little group) had pressured the kids to get up and dance in worship to God. "I love God but I didn't want to dance," Valentina informed me. "Did she force you?" I asked, trying very hard to give Pastor Diane the benefit of the doubt. "No, but the way she and the other lady were looking at me, they wanted me to dance." "That's okay; Mommy doesn't like to dance in church, either," I assured my reserved daughter. "Besides, I think the Sunday School program at our church is a lot better, anyway. We'll just go there from now on."

I wondered how Paul's exhortation to the Corinthian church for decorum and order squared with the chaotic bedlam this church was becoming. Since they had taught me I would never receive the Holy Spirit if I tried to reason with my brain, I tried not to think about it. I must be wrong. I must be the one with the "religious spirit". Pastor Mike fasts for 21 days straight. [This was before he was caught in the sex scandal, which I alluded to in the first part of my testimony. He embezzled 2.4 million dollars from the town as well, a fact I did not know about back then.] He's the one who really hears from God. He's the one who's holy and in touch with the spiritual. After the sordid details of his affair came out and he was forced out of the church, I found myself wondering about the verse speaking of bad fruit not coming from a good tree. I tried to push this thought aside.

Just a few months ago, [early 2007] my husband's family learned that the baby born to a close friend had been diagnosed with SMA Type 1, for which there is no cure and a 1-3 year life expectancy. Since I know that nothing is impossible for God and He is all-compassionate, I began going regularly to the Healing Room to intercede for the baby. While waiting in the vestry, I overheard my friend Kim explaining to newcomers how they could be sure of their healing from God, since physical healing was purchased by the atonement. "Many people want to cut the Cross in half," she said. "They trust Christ for their salvation, but they don't receive the healing of their bodies He purchased." The verse she used to support this was Isaiah 53:5, which up until that time I had thought was talking about spiritual infirmities and healing. Something struck me as just a little bit "off," so I asked her if she was saying God would always heal everyone's physical ailment if they asked in faith. When she did not answer the question directly, I continued, "We can ask in faith and we know that God is ABLE every time. However, we also know that faithful Christians die more often than are cured miraculously. God may heal a person; He may choose to bring them home instead. We have to know that His will can be different from ours." She replied, "Yes, but if you go into it [prayer] with that attitude, it shows doubt and you just cancelled out your own prayer." I disagreed, but was not inclined to argue.

The next time we prayed for the baby together in the Healing Room, Kim asked me to lead. I prayed fervently and sincerely for the baby's full healing, that God glorify Himself in this way, and that the baby's parents come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I thanked God for hearing our prayer, and said, "I know, Father, that all things with You are possible. I know it is such a simple thing for You to fix the mutation in Bilyana's chromosomes and breathe life into her little body, and I will believe You for healing. But in the words of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, EVEN IF YOU DO NOT, still I will trust in You." I heard Kim groan, almost inaudibly, as I said that (an attitude I KNEW to be TOTALLY SCRIPTURAL.)

On the way home in the car, I admitted to myself, "Something is very, very wrong here with the theology. By this logic....if Bilyana dies from this terminal disease, I am guilty because I didn't have enough faith. That's messed up. I have to get to the bottom of this - their doctrine is screwy." It was then that I began reading in more depth on the Word of Faith movement. I was shocked and appalled to see that these doctrines, which had been twisted and teased out of the Word, had been worming their way into this church I thought was so sound. The fact that false teacher Joyce Meyer was so beloved concerned me even more. For the first time in over three years, I allowed my skepticism to surface.

Stay tuned for the CONCLUSION of my journey out of charismania...

REPOST from 2007 - "I'm Officially Leaving Charismania - Part I"



I wouldn't let this guy change the oil in my car, let

alone man-handle me. Yes, this is the dude who was

screaming at the "revival" in 2004. Then as now, I have a hard

time understanding the glasses....


















I wrote this entry on Friday, June 1, 2007. I can't believe it's been nearly four years! I blogged it at the time; then deleted it because of the storm of criticism it drew. I am now re-typing my story, unedited and unaltered in any way, exactly as I wrote it back in 2007.

*********************************************
Part I - The Back-story

I've been thinking a lot about Jan Hus lately. Also William Tyndale, who shared his fate; and Latimir and Ridley...but mostly Hus, as he was the first. In 1411, the Czech reformer was marched naked to the stake where he was burned alive for advocating the Bible be made available for all people to read in their own language. What is so amazing about this man's execution - by no means unique among the great Reformers - is that he sang hymns of praise to God and prayed his tormenters be forgiven, even as the flames consumed him. And yet...some of my best friends would not consider him to be "Holy Spirit filled".

This disturbs me, as the Scriptures confirm that no one can say "Jesus is Lord" except by the Holy Spirit. Furthermore, forgiveness of one's (unrepentant) enemies goes against the "flesh", or carnal man. Lastly, I can only contemplate what kind of spirit it takes to allow one to sing praise to God while being tortured. If this is not what being filled with Christ's Spirit looks like on earth, I don't know what does.

None of the Reformers ever spoke in tongues or claimed an additional, mystical "experience" after conversion. (In fact, Wesley is recorded as saying he felt "uncomfortable" when outbursts of this mysterious behavior occurred in his meetings.) Without these men, Christianity would have stayed in the Dark Ages and the inerrant, inspired Word of God would have stayed out of reach from those who diligently seek Him.

One common denominator among these men I have mentioned, besides their love of God and desire to seek His Truth, is that they were not afraid to use their analytical minds and God-given powers of reasining. .When a church of any denominiation tells its flock not to reason; that God does not follow logic; to take whatever they tell you "on faith" and not hold it up to Scripture for comparison; when intellectualism is feared; and, when above all, the faithful are told not to question dogma or leaders, should we not be alarmed?

 This is precisely what was going on in Europe during the Middle Ages. In addition, there was an esoteric, mystical branch of Catholicism which produced visionaries, stigmatists, bleeding Eucharistic hosts, and other "signs and wonders". Esoteric knowledge is that which is specialized or advanced in nature, available only to a narrow circle of "enlightened", "initiated", or highly-educated people. Human beings, from antiquity, have naturally been drawn to the supernatural. One naturally hungers for contact with the divine; something sensory and direct. An experience. Among the ancient pagans (and in some Eastern religions), people would put themselves into a trance, use narcotics or other means to acheive a sense of being "one with the divine". Translated to an out-of-body experience, this is the essense of transcendental meditation. TM has made its way into the Christian Church under the name of "contemplative spirituality" or "centering prayer" (Lighthouse Trails Ministry is a good source of information about this.) The desire for "something more" and a "higher level of intimacy" isa legitimate one that most Christians experience, but has roots in gnosticism and the "mystery religions". About the church in Corinth, John Macarthur writes:

"The problem wasn't that they lacked spiritual gifts: in 1 Corinthians 1:7, Paul said "You are not lacking in any gift." it was how they fouled them up. So a major segment of that first letter, 1 Corinthians 12:13-14, directs itself at this terrible, terrible misuse of spiritual gifts. The Corinthians, like the charismatics today, had tended to equate the Holy Spirit's work with ecstatic involuntary frenetic and mysterious activity. And of it was inexplicable from the human level, they would say it was the Holy Spirit, even to the point that some people were cursing Jesus and they were saying it was the Holy Spirit because the phenomena seemed so bizarre. The wilder and more agitated the person was, the more godly and spiritual he was supposed to be. They got to the point where in order for them to say it is the spirit, it had to be bizarre. Then there was the desire to be seen and the desire to appear as being spiritual. People were exploiting and perverting the gift of tongues particularly, and counterfeiting it with ecstatic babble that came out of their past paganism. They were confusing the work of the Holy Spirit with mystical practices they had known from their former pagan religion."

How did I get, in my biblically-centered walk, to the point where I wanted this "infilling" so badly I would question my relationship with God? Why, on an emotional level, is it so hard for me to say good-bye?

Like all good stories, it starts with a "once upon a time". Once upon a time there was a shy but bright girl who didn't have a whole lot of friends, but loved to read books. More than that, she loved God - Jesus in particular. Some of her favorite books, as a devoutly Catholic youngster, were about the Saints. Some of them, her mother's pre-Vatican II fully-illustrated book said, were so holy that the Lord Jesus and His Mother loved to spend time with them. She read about Bernadette, she read about St. Agnes, the 12-year-old martyr. She read about Joan of Arc, the great visionary, and she read all about Teresa of Avila. Granted, the bit about stigmata freaked her out a little bit; but the very idea of Jesus coming to hang with her seemed like such a wild idea. She was never particularly enthralled by the idea of a visit from Mary, although that wouldn't have been too bad, either; mostly it was just Jesus she wanted to talk to. She could never seem to sense Him at the boring, stuffy mass her mother forced the family to attend each week. God was her out-of-reach hero; the One to Whom she turned for the approval and unconditional love (a term she would hear years later) her parents never supplied.

Years went by; she went to college and became a Chrstian...it involved Campus Crusade for Christ and a staff member with a "Four Spiritual Laws".  By this time, she was no longer a child and had grown-up problems, like eating disorders and self-hatred. She was on her way to hell anyway, according to what she'd been taught, because she was no longer a virgin and hadn't been to confession. However, she took a leap of faith and Jesus washed her clean.

Except The Secret remained. As much as she wanted to repent, deep down inside, she could never stop the bulimia (which had been ingrained for years) nor tell The Secret to any of her Christian friends. She graduated and, much to her mother's dismay, went overseas on a short-term mission. All very Protestant, and therefore very embarrassing to mother. She stayed there for years, gradually sliding deeper into sin. Around this time, she met some Pentecostals who brought her to services at their clandestine church. The tongues and shouting and jumping up and down were overwhelming...but they seemed so happy. So full of...life. Something she lacked inside.

Several years later, married with 3 kids and attending a lukewarm UCC church in Massachusetts, she decided one day out of desperation to go to a new "Spirit-filled" church (conveniently located next to Wal-Mart) for intercessory prayer in their Healing Room. Try as she might, she could not seem to stop her daily purging, and now had added an alcohol problem to it, as well. The advertisement promised "free, confidential prayer for healing of physical, emotional and spiritual problems." She walked in fearfully, but was received compassionately. One of the women told her, "Marie, God wants you to know He's not angry at you. He's not disappointed in you. He loves you so much, and is proud of you..." This message, which she would later learn was called a "prophetic Word", spoke to her deepest fears -- and something she had worried about in the car that very morning. They then anointed her hands with oil, and prayed that God would set her free. All desire to drink left; the bulimia was completely gone, along with any thoughts concerning food, within 6 months. [my note, 3/16/11: freedom from this longstanding eating disorder followed an intensive period of repentance and renewing my mind with the Word. It was not an instantaneous or magical "deliverance". However, this intercessory prayer was the doorway through which I entered charismania.]

GOD HAD FREED ME.

This is how I came to be who I am today; he brought me that day to a deeper realization of who I am in Christ. He is within me; sin has no hold over me. This finally started to become a reality. I listened to every sermon on CD from that church I could get my hands on. I began attending a women's fellowship and felt I was being spiritually fed - boy, did these women love God! And how passionate and knowledgeable about the Bible their pastor was! I looked up to him and his wife greatly. I also began reading Joyce Meyer books, and nodded knowingly when they talked about "positive confessions" in the Wednesday morning group (and why we should avoid making "negative confessions".) I thought this was just the most wonderful church on the face of the earth. Often, I would go for prayer and have hands laid on me to receive "the baptism of the Holy Spirit". The pastor was perplexed as to why nothing ever happened, and I prayed fervently to receive it. I was told (or read?) that this "baptism" "opened the door to the supernatural" and it was the way to go deeper in God. Along with obedience and reading the Bible, of course; but that's a given.

Something was blocking it. Nothing was blocking it. I wasn't ready. God wasn't ready. My husband wasn't ready and it might freak his beans. All kinds of theories as to why the Holy Spirit left the building when I showed up. Maybe it was time to get out of my lukewarm church and REALLY start seeking God? One fateful Sunday in June 2004, I had convinced my husband to come with me to their church. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, that weekend they were having a "revival" with a charismatic evangelist.

Tommie Zito, a Rolexed and hair-gelled smooth operator, took the stage. Within a short time he was demanding that everyone who was (in essence) unsaved, uncertain, or back-slidden come forward, with their arms extended. Neither I nor my husband were in any of the three categories (although even if we were, isn't that between us and God?) so we kept our places. He began to scream more and more fervantly. A keyboardist played swelling music. Zito kept yelling. I had a sick feeling in my stomach. Amazingly, ALL of my new friends from the women's group were up there - hands in mandatory V-formation. The pastor was weeping and yelling out, but I couldn't hear him over the revivalist's screaming. He "sensed by the Spirit" that someone else was supposed to be up there. Finally, we walked out. My husband, who was raging with fury, has since then and forever after referred to charismatic/Pentecostal churches as "yelling and screaming" churches. We wasted the next two years listening to the social gospel of the UCC church, while I continued to suffer in silence (for the most part).

I was shaken by this "revival", but dismissed it as a one-time aberration. Besides, I'd been there on Sundays a few times when my husband hadn't been to church, and there were no excesses. It was livlier than our church; these people were "really worshiping" God! I learned many good things there - about radical forgiveness, dying to self, being totally sold out to God and what godly submission looks like. [my note, 3/16/11: I could have just bought the Martha Peace book and figured out submission on my own, without getting mixed up in charismania. Had to learn that one the hard way.] However, one thing started to concern me...the women at our Wednesday morning group struck me as a bit like "Bobble-heads" - instead of studying things for themselves, they just parroted whatever the pastor said. He tended to speak in spiritual-sounding cliches, so it wasn't too difficult for them. I also noticed that while their church didn't offer a Bible study, they had a "prophetic round table", frequently sent folks to seminars on "moving in the prophetic/how to receive prophecy" and hosted "prophets" from different parts of the US for week-long "presbyteries". I read the pastor's online teaching materials, and discovered their church believed in "restoration of the 5-fold ministry". [C. Peter Wagner's New Apostolic Reformation - total, complete, rank heresy.] This meant that Apostles and Prophets are a current Church office, and they looked up to these people (who, of course, heard directly from God.) Once, in the Healing Room, I was asking one of the prayer team members about something  I don't remember what - and she grew impatient. "You can't have simple faith, but that's what God wants," she exclaimed. "No! You...you want to know what the word meant in the original Greek!" I thought her comment was funny, since I am an interpreter and get paid to think that way.

I soon learned that intellectualism and using one's mind to analyze Scriptural truths (or extra-biblical revelation, for that matter) is not considered godly. In fact, it can get you labeled as "prideful" or having a "religious spirit". I have read that this is common in charismatic circles.

Meanwhile, I kept trying to get "filled". I prayed. I tried to fast. On day two, I passed out with dangerously low blood pressure. My husband told me never to do that again. The pastor's wife (my mentor, who ran the women's group) told me I was "in the flesh" and my body had responded that way because I didn't have enough faith. [my note, 3/15/11: the fact that I had just given birth a few months before to Baby #4 might have had something to do with it. It takes a little while, post-partum, to completely get back to normal.]

In the summer of 2006, my husband and I finally left the UCC church and began attending a wonderful, doctrinally-sound evangelical church. Praise God for that! I continued to go to the weekly women's group at the charismatic church, however, and doggedly pursued Pentecostal "experience". In October of that year, my friend Kate told us that Jesus had appeared to her in the Healing Room, extended His hands, and told her He loved her. I was devastated. All I wanted was God, and He wasn't returning my calls (or so it seemed). I had heard that several women in that church claimed to have gone into heaven, conversed with the Almighty, and come back (such claims are common among charismatics). My depression deepened, and I felt alone. I cried daily, and begged to forgive me for whatever sin I had. I assumed it was pride, but when I went back to the Healing Room, hoping for a "rhema", the team praying said the Holy Spirit questioned them, "Why does she think it's pride?"

Very soon after this deep period of darkness began, my own pastor (a very wise, low-key and godly man), preached on Elijah the prophet. His theme was "renewing your mind with God's Word", and a comment he made was, "By the way, I have watched Christians slide into depression because they're waiting for God to show up in the earthquake, in the fire, in the flood....and they miss His hand in the day-to-day." I thought that was very appropriate to what I was going through. I dug into m Bible with new passion, begging God to speak to me that way. Very often, although certainly not daily, He would quicken a verse to me. One of my favorites was speaking to insecurity in my relationship with Him:

"About Benjamin he said:

"Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.” (Deuteronomy 33:12).

Although I am not "Benjamin", I reckoned I am the beloved of the Lord!
A few months later, the pastor at the charismatic church, whom I had idolized as being a great man of God, was forced to leave the church after a long-term sexual affair with a (also very godly and Spirit-filled) woman from their church. I started seeing much about this Kansas City group of prophets, and the International House of Prayer they founded on a site I frequented. I had done research into the Word of Faith movement, and frankly everything was starting to stink. Like the cliche about an onion, the more layers I peeled back, the more it stank.

My research into Pentecostalism intensified, and became more objective. In Part II, I will present more hard evidence that has turned me back to "sola scriptura; sola fide" and settled my convictions that this movement is not of God.



Well, I Wonder...

Are all health-food stores connected to New Age "healing" emporiums? If so, what is the common denominator - aging hippies who decide to go into business?

Just wondering here, as there seems to be a pattern.

Just so you know, I am not one of the organic-soy-locally-grown-gluten-free-pro biotic-free-range fanatics. I have neither the time, budget, nor energy to obsess over these things, but I'm all for common sense when it comes to health, nutrition, and what we feed our kids. Read: fruit good. Twinkies bad. Shop at Market Basket; buy what's on sale; in and out in 45 minutes. However, intrigued by how the other half lives, (that would be the homeschooling, bread-baking mamas from my church), I thought it would be kinda fun to learn how to bake bread. (Besides, high fructose corn syrup is demonic, and they put it in bread. !!!)

My first efforts were pathetic. No one told me that salt kills yeast, nor do I recall that being mentioned in college chemistry. Unperturbed, I persevered and have managed to crank out a few pretty good loaves; although a bit dense. Turns out you have to add vital gluten to whole wheat flour to make it rise, and a dash of lecithin doesn't hurt, either.

Turns out you can only get vital gluten at your local health food store, with names involving the word "earth" in the title.

Works for me; I was, as luck would have it, out of court by 11:00 this morning. So off to the hippie-granola health food store I go, for the first time in my adult life.

They have cool stuff. Lots of gluten-free, wheat-free flour ( a godsend for peeps with allergies); organic veggies; herbal supplements galore. I got the gluten, picked up some raw honey for my husband, and went home to play with my new bread machine. But not without grabbing a few brochures on my way out.

Upstairs from this friendly food store, turns out the same company runs a "holistic" center, offering reiki, Ayurveda massage, clairvoyant readings, crystal energy balancing, Brennan energy healing, and things of that nature. Check out this page from the website on "Readers, Mediums, and Clairvoyants".  What any of this occultic and pseudo-esoteric stuff has to do with organic kale and red quinoa is beyond me, but a quick Internet search indicated this type of connection is pretty common.

Another "holistic" health center in the area with a similar "menu" of Eastern healing also has chiropractic services, a legitimate medical practice. My muse on the way home was this: if a Christian patronizes such an establishment, say for a facial, back adjustment, or box of vital wheat gluten, what is the moral implication? As far as I know, all the fundie mamas buy their funky bread ingredients there. If I noticed the New Age adverts (they didn't exactly try to hide their agenda), I'm sure those sharp homeschoolers do, too.

It's late and this is just an off-the-cuff post. I wonder if any "Christian" health food markets exist, which don't offer to "re-align [my] chakras using many different crystals and stones". I don't quite get the connection between organic veggies and all this weirdness....

How to Be a Proverbs 31 Wife (or something like that) During a 50-Hour Work-Week

I have two great ideas for blog posts - one an analysis of Matthew Chapter 10 and the parallel passages; the other a discussion of a certain aspect of the Incarnation we were discussing at Don's blog this week. Only trouble is, I haven't had time to write them...or do any other writing, for that matter, in several weeks. With a trial in Superior Court coming up this week, as well as an inpatient and a Macedonian chemo patient (at two different hospitals), I've been driving and interpreting so much I've barely kept up with my e-mails. (Incidently, I live 70 miles from Boston...a commute I make every day). That averages out to four hours per day in the car.

I'm guessing from my Sitemeter traffic that a good number of my readers are women (statistically it is improbable that you are all male); and most likely some of you work outside the home. How can you balance a hectic work week with being a "Proverbs 31 woman" or "1st Peter wife" or (insert biblical cliche of your choice here)? Somewhere, deep down inside, you just know there is a gentle and quiet spirit just dying to break out.

I'm here to give you some tips; not because I'm so vastly more spiritual than those stay-at-home, bread-baking homeschooling fundie-mamas...but because I can multi-task checking homework, getting a meal on the table, and taking a page from the ICU who wants to know if the patient has to pee without breaking a sweat.

And so can you. Here are some pointers:

1.) On your day off, go grocery shopping. Buy a chicken - a very large, meaty one. (Don't ask questions. This will all make sense by mid-week).

2.) Night before you leave, season chicken; put in one of those fancy oven-bags; whatever floats your boat. SET OVEN TIMER for mid-point of rush hour.

3.) While sitting in traffic, call home and make sure 10-year old has unloaded dishwasher. He probably hasn't; so remind him.

4.) Caffeine. Lots of it. Caffeine was the secret of the Industrial Revolution.

5.) Just when you thought you were going to get home in time to drive daughter to skating, they will decide to give your patient another unit of blood. Remember that large, meaty chicken you bought three days ago? You're going to be glad you did, because....

6.) Soup is amazingly easy to make, when you have a pound of leftover, nicely cooked chicken. Besides, carrots and stuff are good for your kids. They don't know how well off they really are.

7.) Besides emergency chickens, make sure you have at least 1-2 fully prepared meals in your freezer ready for your husband to pull out and stick in the oven (I have Martha Peace to thank for that one; "Becoming a Titus 2 Woman").

8.) While kids are at AWANA, do the laundry.

9.) Never leave home without your Bible in your briefcase, especially if you are going anywhere near the hematology or oncology floor. Time loses all meaning in that world.....

10.) Not going anywhere for a while? Talk to your patient. Use the word "church" in a sentence. If he takes the bait, share the Gospel with him. If he doesn't, talk to him anyway.

11.) Older Bulgarian and Macedonian ladies are a great resource for easy, economical recipes.

Hmmm...is it too late to start drinking?

12.) Teenagers are a great source of cheap labor. Use them, if you're lucky enough to have them. There is no law saying 13-year-olds cannot learn to fold laundry. 10-year-olds are perfectly capable of toasting their own waffles -- and their younger siblings' waffles, as well.

13.) Make sure you have the local pizzaria's number in your phone, but refuse to use it - on principle.

14.) When you don't have time to properly clean the bathroom surfaces, use wet wipes. No one will notice, if you're that pressed for time. And if they do, they won't dare complain.

15.) Have to be up at 4:30 am? Make it 4:15. Spend at least that long reading a short passage from the New Testament, and praying that God will help you glorify Him in the upcoming day. Your body won't notice the difference of 15 minutes, but it can make the difference between a Christ-centered focus and a really, really stressful day.

16.) Asking your husband to drive your son to soccer (or stick supper in the oven) is NOT being a feminist. So stop worrying. You can still be a respectful, submissive helpmeet and ask for help yourself when you need it (even if you're not wearing a denim jumper).

17.) Homemade pizza takes less time to make than take-out takes to arrive, if you defrost the (regular bread) dough in the pizza pan when you leave for work in the morning. Think about it....now you just throw some stuff on, and it bakes while your changing from your work suit into your Eeyore jammies. Clever, and economical!

18.) Bribery is unneccessary. Kids enjoy helping when you ask them to do important jobs, and they appreciate that extra trip to the library to get books (so they won't wake your husband up by watching TV too loudly). Ulterior motives are not always sinful, especially when they are in your husband's best interest.

19.) Do not keep junk food in the house if you are working outside of it. Kids are funny like that -- the more that's there, the more they'll eat...without restraint. Never a good thing. They will not eat their dinners and then your husband will start yelling at them in both languages.

20.) You will make mistakes. You will stress out, lose your cool, and forget to model Jesus to children and co-workers alike. Recognize it; confess it and repent right away. Tomorrow is a new day.

Now go get the laundry out of the dryer...if you leave it in too long it wrinkles, and then you'll have to iron, on top of everything else! (If it's too late and it's already wrinkled, throw it back in the washer and start over).